Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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