..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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