Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
