I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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