just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
