well I can't set my house on fire every night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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