im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
