So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize