Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
