Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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