Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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