So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Randomize
