you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
