k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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