we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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