'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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