Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
