Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
