Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
