It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Houston, we have a blender
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
