we made out on top of his cat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
