She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Damn victory sex feels great
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
