id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
