i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize