thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
