Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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