did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
