Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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