i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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