I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
