Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
