I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
