I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
