bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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