he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
