R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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