im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
foreskin is a definite game changer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize