All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
