I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have already put on my inside pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
