I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
is that a dick in a sweater?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
