So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
