Your face is a jimmy john
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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