I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
