At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
