Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
