yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
