So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
