if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
