dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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