If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
