I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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