this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
one might say we're banned from that church
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
