if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We have started to decorate penises.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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