She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
