before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
