The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
