All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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