i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
