I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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