i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
