Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shame - the story of my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
