My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
