I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
