Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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