dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
