can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
