Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my being single is dangerous.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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