woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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