My hand turned me down
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
