Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
