Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize