Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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