so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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