He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
