Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
