we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
