just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
