I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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