I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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