the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
