I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
