You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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