Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
