eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
