in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
