He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
