Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
