i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
