Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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