So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize