Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
