I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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