I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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