lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
