you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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