this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
