he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
