you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize