the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you traded sex for a burrito?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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