yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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