Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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