I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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