omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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