Just fell off a train. Bad.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
