at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
