So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
