Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
